I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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