I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
