so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
