I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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