Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Randomize
Follow @tfln