i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover