I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The best revenge is premature balding
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?