I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.