My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good