I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.