clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?