you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
