i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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