Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
