he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
