I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
