she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
