Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want to be your penis for a week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
