She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
