she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
