i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
