someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
