i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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