Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize