We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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