During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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