She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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