I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize