The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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