We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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