If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
