dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
