I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize