Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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