I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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