ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
