I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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