saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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