You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
