Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
