I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
