I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
