return my video game
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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