My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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