I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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