Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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