She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
how does that bad decision feel?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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