i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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