apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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