i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
