I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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