the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize