You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
