I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
