i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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