Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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