i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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