After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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