you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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