Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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