If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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